Surviving Life Approaching Separation

There Comes a point in every servicemembers’ life when they realize that they can’t wear the uniform forever. This usually sets and with such questions as, “what will I do?” and “how will I live?” Well, don’t you worry, I’ve got the skinny on making the transition work out to the best. And the first thing I would probably recommend is not using the word “skinny” to refer to special information.

Let the Jargon Go

Now, this is arguably one of the best parts of military life: the language. Everything from “chemlights” (corrected to “glowstick” or “MDMA fun stick” by my civilian peers), to use of the phonetic alphabet for things like “vics” (short for “Victor” or “vehicle as most civilians understand it), there are all sorts of terms and ideas that can be conveyed and land better with military personnel.

That being said, you will probably find derisive ridicule whenever you use the name “Mike” or the onomatopoeic “click” to indicate a unit of distance. But in an organization which gives most field distances in kilometers, yet still gives velocity in terms of miles per hour, well, we can’t expect too terribly much. Just remember that when you have a group of people staring at you with gaping mouths because you called someone’s mouth a perfectly normal and legitimate “ *** receptacle”…you get the idea…might just want to not say anything at all for a little while.

Update Your Resume

This might seem like the most obvious part of preparing for separation. Under normal circumstances, a resume is simply “tell people what you did.” Unfortunately, “drop bodies and drag souls” isn’t usually part of the job description. But don’t let this get you down!

Euphemisms will become your new best friend. Simply put, a euphemism is just a nicer way to say something. So, take, for instance, what I would write for one major skill I acquired on the Afghan frontier — “enforcing sanitation standards for maintaining positive health and safety conditions in the field.” Lots of you did that, too. We just usually called it “burning sh**.” That was the moment I knew that I was immortal tied to the infantrymen of long ago, when i first smelled burning excrement as i stirred in more diesel. Yum.

I still haven’t thought of the right way to explain “running spare ammo to the 240 gunner while the rest of the platoon is pinned down by enemy fire.” I guess some details are just best left off of it.

Resist the Urge

This pretty much refers to anything and everything regarding urges you will feel when you face separation. The urge to run giddy with joy (this will make your fellow servicemembers incredibly jealous…so, actually, never mind, do this one!), the urge to drink yourself to oblivion (actually…no, you might still need that one…), maybe the urge to sleep in all the time?

The biggest urge you will probably have to defeat is the prospect of “pulling the pins on all of your grenades” as you wait the final weeks leading up to your finally clearing out. Those days will drag on forever. But don’t worry — you’ll be missing the military again in NO time. And you think I’m joking!

Have any recommendations of your own about separation? Tell us in the comments below!

Artwork by Marc Osborne